Watching other people’s children grow up can be a shocking experience. We are around our own children every day, and we see small, day-to-day changes in them. However, when we see someone else’s children, whom we haven’t seen in a while, we’re surprised by how much they have grown or changed. One of my fifteen-year-old patients came in for his annual wellness visit last week, and I had this experience. As I walked into the exam room, I was surprised that he was now taller than me. My mind went back to the first time I saw him in a bassinet at the hospital the day he was born. Over the years, he has changed so much, but this year, he grew almost four inches and suddenly looks like a high schooler! This experience is one example of something that happens to me daily at the office, sometimes many times. Pediatricians-in-training do not learn that the most significant on-the-job hazard we face is constantly realizing that we are getting old! Of course, time passes for everyone. Our response to this universal experience can change how we live and interact with others.
Open and relational theologians often borrow their approach to time from their philosophical cousins, process philosophers. They think time is composed of little bits or individual moments of experience. The present is the bit of experience that is currently happening. The past is all the bits of experience that have already happened. The future does not exist yet except as a vast collection of possibilities of what may become. In one sense, the past also does not exist, except that it can affect future experiences and become a memory. Every moment arises based on the possibilities that everyone and everything chooses. Individuals make choices based on their individual and collective pasts, joining everyone and everything else in creating the moment that is “now.” Robert Mesle describes the moment when this view of time “clicked” for him:
Suddenly, the world jolted as if it had been ajar and unexpectedly dropped into place with a snap. The future does not exist… I looked at the world around me with wide, amazed eyes. My eyes did not exist in the future. The sidewalk did not exist in the future. The foot that I was going to set down on the sidewalk in a moment did not exist yet: Only the foot in the present existed… Time is like falling, I thought. We are always on the verge of falling forward into nothingnesss; but, in each moment, the world becomes anew, and the creative advance continues.1
The meaningful part of this philosophy isn’t in the nerdy details. It is the implication that “the creative advance continues” every moment. This idea means the decisions we make in this moment join with the decisions of everyone and everything else to create the next moment. I want to unpack what this means for our presence in the present and cooperation with everything.
Being present in the present means we are engaged in the current moment with awareness of our surroundings and relationships. It means paying attention to ourselves, our bodies, others near us, and the broader world. By attending, we better understand the possibilities ahead of us and discern the path leading to overall flourishing or well-being. When we are present in the present, we make better contributions to the creative advance of the next moment.
Being present in the present means avoiding distractions like the technology surrounding us, most prominently our phones. Although they help us communicate, gather information, navigate, and other ways, non-essential notifications, and social media are distractions. Having specific set-aside times for checking email, non-essential texts, and social media can help prevent constant interruptions.
Being present in the present means enjoying the current moment for what it is. I miss out on details of things happening now if I am overly worried or excited about something coming up in the future. Of course, this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t make plans for the future. We can set aside time to plan intentionally and limit the time we let our anticipation of the future distract from the present.
An example of being present occurs every time I walk into an exam room with a patient and their family. Whenever we visit a physician, we expect that practitioner to be fully present in our shared moments. As we describe our symptoms, we don’t want the doctor’s attention distracted by thoughts about what they will cook for dinner later that evening! While examining us, we don’t expect them to stop to check a phone notification from a social media app! In the same way that physicians demonstrate respect for their patients with their presence, we can all show others that we value their relationship by practicing being present.
As we stand in the present moment, our decisions about the next moment affect its development. These decisions cooperate with those made by everyone and everything else. The creative advance is a cooperative effort involving us, others around us, the universe, and God. When we are present in the present, we become more aware of that cooperation, and the creative advance is more likely to move toward overall well-being.
One of the most essential occasions to demonstrate presence is when we are with our children. A high level of responsiveness is a key component of a healthy parenting style. When we demonstrate presence to our children, we show how we value them and our relationships with them. They understand that we care about what they think and do. They know that their wants and needs matter to the family. And our guidance is more likely to lead the family toward flourishing.
If you talk to parents of adult children, you will likely hear about how the years fly by. Most parents find that, looking back, the time between the first day of kindergarten and the last day of college passed in the blink of an eye. Although we can remember all of the moments as our children were growing up, we can enjoy them to their fullest when we are fully present in the present.
- Robert Mesle, Process-Relational Philosophy: An Introduction to Alfred North Whitehead (Philadelphia, PA: Templeton, 2008), 5. ↩︎
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